Report 55

Dreams / Renewing Commitment

Sleep a bit disturbed, I could remember only one dream this week and it was so sad that, upon waking, I decided not to share it  (and then managed to forget the details a couple hours later).  Not the most respectful relation to a dream, so I suppose it serves me right!

Instead, I considered the life as a dream angle.  In the last few weeks, a sense of the world as illusion has felt very palpable to me, but not in an entirely comfortable way.  There's a bit of dreaminess there that feels a bit too much like disconnection; I feel comfortable with the idea of me and my ideas and sense perceptions as part of a (my) dream, but to think that "reality" might be a dream through and through seems like taking it too far.  Perhaps it's my *opinions* about the value of dreams that are askew -- just because it's a dream doesn't mean it's not important.  Also it might be helpful to consider who I think the dreamer is (for sure, other beings aren't just "my" mental projection).  But some other things are going on too.  For example, our physical reality is so predictable, and I would like to know, what makes it so stable when my dream life is full of shape shifters and emails that are spelled out entirely with the letter "g"?  Then again, there is the story of the Indian sadhu who doesn't eat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inedia -- Prahlad Jani) so maybe real life has its exceptions too.  Today while standing on the subway, there was a sense of our lives as time travelers -- that is, we are the travelers, and those who can stand still watch us go rushing past.

My commitment this week was inspired by Mickorod's report on cigar breaks.  I suppose the fear of escapism is so strong in me, I never made the connection that even the simplest break could be a form of opening too -- going to the movies, taking a walk, taking breaks during practice.  Thanks Mickorod!