Report 64

Samadhi

Feeling quite tired this week.  It's been raining for days -- sometimes light drizzle, other days sheets of it like standing under a spigot -- and in an addition, I'm quite worn from days and days of arguing.  I'm not sure why I let myself argue so much; a good fight can potentially be a way of connecting with someone, forging a true bond, but the way it goes with me, it often turns into the kind of dogfight where I'm set on rubbing out the other person in order to make myself heard.  

Anyhow, don't mean to turn this into a journal of my dalliances with bad behavior -- just pre-emptively apologizing and maybe leaving a message for a future self.  Meditation has an effect on daily life, but the way the life is lived has a big effect on meditation too (of course).

As for wisdom, hmm, I guess I don't feel quite prepared to say much about it today.  Except that maybe it's always there to be a friend to us, even when we're too embarrassed to be around our friends.  I must remind myself: the wisdom "part" of all this (actually, it's the whole thing) doesn't require us to have weird experiences or to be special in any way.