Report 63

Dhyana

Especially on days when I don't meditate (or only have time for a few breaths), the beneficial effects of meditation on my daily life becomes very clear:  by the end of a no-meditation day, I'm often exhausted, frustrated, ready to start a fight.  This isn't to say I never feel that way on days when I do meditate, but my ability to *notice* that I have become irrationally cranky is severely impaired; I am much less likely to forgive myself, much more likely to lash out in a fit of self-justification.  

In other weeks, it can be more about discovering a sense of outreach versus an inward or returning movement, a sense of relaxation or bonding or gratitude or respect, but meditation in this last week has been very much centered around a sense of shared physical energy.  One day, it involved noticing how a little tai chi before sitting re-established a coordinated flow throughout the body, allowing jangling thoughts to fall away very simply, giving way to a clear, pure stillness / presence could be found at the core.   Another day, Mits was doing a little martial arts and standing meditation off to the side, and to my surprise my own meditation benefitted very palpably.  And while sitting with John Baker (editor of Trungpa's Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism), just feeling very impressed with his rootedness, his ability to establish a connection physically through the floor to help us all find some kind of baseline after a day of work and activity.    

Once some kind of "concentration" has established itself a bit, then the impressions that arise can have a very different quality from the chattering thoughts that arise throughout the day.  For one thing, it's much easier to find full acceptance of those same chattering thoughts, to remember what "acceptance" could mean and to carry it out.  This acceptance seems to have an unlimited range -- at least, it includes things like "this wall, this whole situation is the buddha dimension, the perfect love, the perfect teacher" "time is timeless and has never existed" as well as "this very moment is completely unbearable and yet I will choose to bear it."  Of course, these words really do very little to capture what is really happening, but I suspect people kind of know what I mean :).  

I liked Eliza's question very much and I would also love to hear "thoughts on what 'samadhi' means".  I suspect the trick for me will be to enjoy those reports, and not narrow down on them.