Page last modified 18:10, 21 Nov 2010 by Zen Arado
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No headers# When practicing unconditional acceptance, start with yourself.
The
'start with yourself' part of this really leapt out at me. I want the
world to change to suit me, not me having to face my own shortcomings.
I'm starting to notice how much time I spend thinking about the general
difficulties 'we all' face instead of practicing on myself. For me,
unconditional acceptance means accepting my whole package of abilities
and disabilities as I am now, without depending on the arrival (much
delayed) of a new improved version of me that will result from studying
some course, or book, or from some new treatment for my physical
condition that will turn up in the future.
# When everything goes wrong, treat disaster as a way to wake up.
Like
when a relationship breakup happens. This is a pretty traumatic
experience for most, well, it is for me anyway. For something to be a
personal disaster means we must have had a strong emotional investment
in it, or were not accepting the temporariness of the situation in the
first place. I wonder at this requirement I have that life should be
fair.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss
I
wonder why we have such strong expectations that life will go smoothly
when it is so obvious that life doesn't work that way. I am starting to
believe that life really does present us with difficulties to teach us
lessons we need to learn.
# Take all the blame yourself.
Funny
how we look for someone to blame when things go wrong. As if pinning
the blame onto someone actually changes anything. At least it gives us
a sense of relief by taking the load of responsibility off us. It is a
way of taking the spotlight away from us, a spotlight that might reveal
areas in us that need work. But shifting the blame also stops any
further inquiry in the depth that might be needed to avoid further
recurring incidences of wrongs.
Taking
the blame for things yourself simplifies, clarifies issues, Chogyam
Trungpa says. It stops the issue bouncing around causing more and more
damage. It is so easy to see with national conlicts and wars how much
each side is always blaming the other side for all their woes. Taking
all the blame yourself seems very difficult - maybe it is best to adopt
a practice of not assigning any blame at all? But if I admit having
made a mess of something, it is surprising how quickly the situation
eases and I am surprised that condemnation from others does not
automatically follow. The converse is also true of course, why not give
myself/ourselves a little credit for success at something once in a
while?
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***without depending on the arrival (much delayed) of a new improved version of me that will result from studying some course, or book, or from some new treatment for my physical condition that will turn up in the future.***
Wow Zen, yes! Such a trap! Nice reminder, thanks!