Report 22

Fear [observations during watching a film with a few spooky scenes]

The feeling of "something is going to happen" is worse than how it feels when that something actually happens, which is also quite different ie disgust, relief etc. Also this feeling resulting from the anticipation is not quite same as feelings when presented with general unknowns. The mind seems to want to latch onto something, anything before the actual event. That movement produces a concentration of feelings , different to when musing over the future for example. It felt a bit like a few tiny beanbag cushions filled with glugging liquid. An odd image hey?

I realised after the event that fear requires something to protect or to fear for. But at the time it felt as though 'going', 'goer' and 'gone to' happened simultaneously. Yet I could only see one aspect most clearly, fear in this case. Seeing one aspect out of the three has been consistent so far. I'm not sure why. This also made me wonder briefly about whether the codependent links run in an order (one after another as described) or not.

Intoxication

Alcohol doesn't worry me much anymore. There has been a decrease in time/energy spent on thinking about it when prompted. Probably I now have a more relaxed attitude towards it. I was pretty strict about drinking before but somehow I drank less since my last report on this. For me, this feels contrary but maybe controlling produces an effect opposite than desired. I drank twice and in both occasions let my body to decide when to stop. I also try to listen to my body more in general these days rather than following a overarching rule.