Report 74

My experience has been that 'basic' Metta is incredibly powerful in its demand that we include ourselves. It seems that in this way a light is shone. When I extend compasson to myself first, I am able to from a place of humility, be open to others... there seems a natural outflow. The practice of dedication of merit is not too far off from this, to my considerations, or tonglen.

I mentioned to Zen a funny phenomenon, which is that metta practice seems also to correlate with excavation for me. Each time I seriously 'go back' to this practice, I find that old pieces of myself come up in the way of people especially, or someone might call them ghosts because they are usually people associated with parts of my life I closed off or moved on from, etc. This week two significant figures 'appeared' and though I've been really ill, I dragged myself to go and physically see one of them. The experience was so strange... like I wasn't even there in a 'me' sense. The things this person has been through are unimaginable.I felt like all I could do was be open. Just being there was 'enough'. I didn't try to 'help' her at all.

Words have been falling shorter and shorter lately.