Report 96

You cannot possibly say that you are what you think yourself to be! Your ideas about yourself change from day to day and from moment to moment. Your self-image is the most changeful thing you have. It is utterly vulnerable, at the mercy of a passer by. A bereavement, the loss of a job, an insult, and your image of yourself, which you call your person, changes deeply. To know what you are you must first investigate and know what you are not. And to know what you are not you must watch yourself carefully, rejecting all that does not necessarily go with the basic fact: 'I am'. The ideas: I am born at a given place, at a given time, from my parents and now I am so-and-so, living at, married to, father of, employed by, and so on, are not inherent in the sense 'I am'. Our usual attitude is of 'I am this'. Separate consistently and perseveringly the 'I am' from 'this' or 'that', and try to feel what it means to be, just to be, without being 'this' or 'that'. All our habits go against it and the task of fighting them is long and hard sometimes, but clear understanding helps a lot. The clearer you understand that on the level of the mind you can be described in negative terms only, the quicker you will come to the end of your search and realise your limitless being. - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

It often starts from a thought/sensation. Something didn't go according to plans last week. Like a little bubble quietly bursting, this "Oh ... :(" came up. Looking at some symptoms, this went on for a bit afterwards. Guess this is what some texts mean by 'turning the wheel of samsara'. This ancient heavy wheel creaking, moving and getting faster. That turning ... points to so much.

I walked for a while along familiar streets, watching. Why did I ever think this internal revolution was a good idea? That one is funny in many respects. I also noticed something like a sparkle. A young lady had this smile in her eyes. She and her friend were sitting outside a chocolaterie, having tea and rainbow coloured macaroons. Being part of a crowd in Central London can be just as helpful for practice as walking over a country hill.