Table of contents
    No headers

    I don't think I really have anything to say about the consciousness I
    had before I was born, though I do believe contemplating such a thing
    can help trick the mind out of some of its habits, the constraints I
    place on my notion of who I am, the idea that my life started at a
    given point in time and that before that time I was not here. I think
    of a mind that is not centered in my body, first just trying to push
    the locus away from this "me," and then diffusing it and trying to
    work with the notion of something vast and without boundaries. I ask
    myself, what does it mean to be born. Is anything ever born? Is there
    any beginning? I am always wanting to begin anew, to wipe away all the
    ick I've accumulated, the bad habits, the attitudes, especially the
    often super-negative ideas about what I can and can't do, that get in
    the way of my seeing anything as it really is... if I could only get
    rid of or fix all these ideas that stop me from living, if I could
    only start over, get back to the beginning of the timeline before all
    the trouble started accumulating. Maybe it would be more helpful,
    instead of yearning either toward some sort of new birth or to somehow
    erase myself back out to existence, to consider the idea that I was
    never born in the first place, that the whole timeline is false. What
    if I was never new, never separate from the bad stuff, never in a more
    pristine state. But always somehow outside that whole picture.

    Then there is the other aphorism, about following the inner witness
    verses the outer ones. This one seems really appealing on first
    glance, especially for an introvert like me who can become terrified
    of other people for long stretches of time, but I know that's a
    mistake. Separating "inner" from "outer" in terms of self vs other
    seems problematic to me, so I doubt that's what the aphorism is about.
    My second take on it is that outer witnesses might refer to the
    senses, but that isn't particularly satisfying either.

    Tag page (Edit tags)
    • No tags
    You must login to post a comment.
    Powered by MindTouch Core