Report 18
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Food
I used to
think I was quite good at paying attention, but I'm awful.
Smelling my
food before each bite does help to stay in the moment – I now pay full
attention about half the time when I'm eating. I am starting to notice how I
live in the future (the next bite, when I'm done with this, in half an hour as
well as tomorrow, next month etc). And it is starting to look absurd.
Homework
I found
this one difficult, just understanding what exactly it was I had to pay
attention to. With other explorations, I knew what I was supposed to do, it just
was difficult to actually do it. Here I did not really know what I was supposed
to do. I talked about it with others as well, and that helped a little bit.
Going
I have concentrated
on the "going" aspect (not so much "goer" or "gone to").
I noticed
that when I go, I am focused on the future and therefore I am not fully here
and now, and I am going somewhere pretty much all of the time. For instance,
focusing on the next bite instead of the one I am eating right now, or not
fully being with eating breakfast because I want to check my e-mail.
Time
This
focusing on right now has (slightly) changed my perception of time. Instead of
seeing now as a point, a cramped space between a closed past and a wide open
future, I am starting to see how spacious now is. Now is actually all there is.
I knew that already, but I have seen it a bit more now, I have remembered.
I am stuck
in being elsewhere, but at the same time it is impossible, because I am always here.