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Funny reflections along with this week's focus... things I've not considered in years, such as in childhood, at the end of every week's Sunday sermon in church, after an hour of music and a message designed to cause everyone present to be put on the spot, or rather to let themselves be put on the spot... to 'let God shine a light / examine their hearts'.

There was then the call to come forward to the front in full view of everyone, and to 'accept forgiveness' ... Jesus. One wasn't to accept the image of Jesus, but this was it, body and blood... that the symbols (man made bread, grape juice) *was* *is* actual. There was this environment created of opening, then planting of a seed, in a sense...

From that point on, salvation was considered 'done'. At that point, 'geting to heaven' wasn't supposed to be a concern anymore ... that one died to trying to save themselves and now had the means to save others.

How similar this is to 'starting at the end' and 'being seen'.

Except, that by the next week lots had happened and most of us felt we (and all those other people too) should be walking up every week. It could be so discouraging. Guilt Guilt Guilt. :)

There was this feeling of leaning on the environment and unfortunately it was in the environment's interest to sort of let that happen, for people to depend on keeping up the structure or package, and even more unfortunately, to use the opportunity for their own agendas (pictures of what spirituality looked like - as in 'vote for this person because he looks like you').

So the emphasis on 'finished' fell off, for most, that this big display and public surrender was/is personal. It became 'about' the church and the friends in the church and the expectations of 'looking like' what a spiritual/good person is supposed to look like... burying the heart back up again but in a more fancy and acceptable way.

'Done', became a process of constant burying... and in my experience church members actually worried if someone was praying too much on their own or if they could refute the Sunday school teacher, etc. So much 'in the way' and so little entrustment to this Enormous Loving God to take care of things, really. That, was still too scary.

Anyway... guess words like soul and conscience and forgiveness bring these images to mind again and allow me to
feel a certain deep affection for those rituals... maybe a bit sad that it 'stops there' and gets packaged up further and further, so often. Not just in Christianity, mind you, but in so many things, until we can't hear the 'still small voice' very well and are asking others continually 'did you hear the voice, what did it say?' :)

It is our own tendency to pile on yesterday to today, including yesterday's moment to today's and to 'escape' from standing open in the examining light continually perhaps, that disables us from coming to terms with 'done', to miss so much.

So writing this out what comes to mind is Trungpa's focus on 'cutting through spiritual materialism' and that all the overlay and trappings are fine, when they are openly pointing to what can't be expressed, when they are means, but when they become the point, it is a real tragedy... then there can be a feeling like one is not able to receive, not able to ask the right questions, 'far away' from *entering in to rest* which is the only way to convey that to anyone else... to cross over, in a sense, and give up 'leaning on one's own understanding.'

"My peace I give you, not as the world gives, give I you. Be not troubled, neither be afraid."

I can remember almost every time I've had the benefit of being around a person who really displayed something of the 'expression' of 'Done" from that place of 'Rest'. Almost always there has been a flash of "Oh, you can do that?" And it was just done... I didn't need to figure it out intellectually then. What a gift.

Anyway, apologies to those bothered by scriptures and such like. For me it is an astounding thing to come back to some of these things that I felt so angry about for various reasons, for so long, and cherish the heart in spite of the overlay... and then to see the beauty in the intention of the overlay as well.

Conscience to me is about not hiding the softness of one's heart, moment to moment. When we're open in that way of putting ourselves on the spot continually and allowing our intentions to be seen, it may be really difficult if not impossible to hold grudges for too long, even against our selves.
 

"Guard [cultivate] the

[open/soft] heart

with all dilligence [devotion]

For out of it [naturally]

Spring the Virtues of life."