Report 82 Anger/Emotion

This homework has seemed to invite in quite a bit of emotion from here and there... situations that people have needed to vent about, a situation which I felt was unfair but made no sense to argue with, a sudden emotional outburst on my part over a cat I didn't know I really liked not appearing one day when I went outside, my impatience with the daily effects of situations that are in my own hands to change, etc.

So the first thing I noticed was the run-away train that began when something felt 'unfair'... how I began to run over various scenarios from the past and determinations toward self protection in the future. Noticing it really matters. Noticing means that, like the wonderful haiku essay that Vector shared in the time group: http://www.gendaihaiku.com/kacian/anti-story.html , the illusion/story of unstoppable train, can be emptied of the charge it brought up moments before with racing heart and tears of injustice, by settling back into a larger space frame of reference.

It can be cut through by open Seeing.

Well, space has no frame of reference... nowhere to center in and feel sorry for oneself and build up arguments and scenarios. So then what? Looking at the totality rather than at any one or two of these situations, there is the matter of radical personal responsibility, and taking responsibility/blame for my part of things. Thinking about that, immediately some people sprang to mind that I'd not checked in on, who had left messages for me, etc.

One of them literally called within minutes of my having that thought, and I returned the call. It felt good, and I felt myself empowered to address some things in a way I hadn't before. I had to take my own advice, of not expecting the answer for a question one asks 'here' to come from 'here' because it may come from 'there'.

Then I went to email to find Ken Mcleod's newsletter, which seemed timely:

What happens when you open to your physical, emotional and mental reactions to insult and slander? The challenge is to be in the experience of your reactions without getting lost in the turmoil of the world they project. When you can, your relationship with the reactions shifts. Possibilities open.

One is that you see your part in the mess. The anger and rage let go, and you actually appreciate the other for their part in making it possible for you to see more clearly. You may even thank and praise them! Another is that you know to the core of your being that the rumors having nothing to do with "you", whatever "you" is. Then any anger naturally falls away. You are just there, no ground, no "I", no other.

Many people just pay lip service to these instructions. They retreat into the bodhisattva ideal. Using the behavioral codes as a cover, they don't let themselves feel the intensity of their experience. That's understandable. It's often unthinkably frightening to experience what goes on inside us, which is why we laugh at John Cleese or Jerry Seinfeld.

Any sense of holding out for a release of some sort keeps those experiences at bay. If you even hope to get there, you will never find a way. And until you do, loving kindness and praise for the other are mere posturings.