Report 56 - Help

Considering this question but unsure which angle to write from... seem to be so many.

First thoughts are an extention of renewing commitment before sleep and upon waking... a sense of ways in which one makes choices to be part of communities, for instance, and if so what kind.

One makes choices continually which might make it easier to 'keep the fires burning' so to speak, to add 'reminders' into daily path, to clear out entanglements or distractions... to constantly renew.

Ah! Reading over the description of homework, what jumps out this time is *faith* because I've had such a wrestling match with the word since I unbracketed 'spiritual life and practice' a few years ago. Someone recently spoke to me a bit about post-traumatic stress disorder, and hm, the word 'faith' was like hearing a gunshot, for several years.

I would think of faith as all the ways that my personal intuitions and questions had been quieted to a point where I could almost not hear them, trying so hard to conform... to believe what I was supposed to... the work that it took to dig out from that a bit and trust inner guidance. 

I think that it affected me deeply when I first began meditation also, because 'quieting the mind' seemed a bit dangerous almost. I remember that though I'd overcome that a bit, taking comfort in the questioning nature of my new communities, I didn't really let that go completely until Steven guided us this way:

Stim Morane: This time, count the breath as before, but instead of practicing the sort of mind control that figured in the first approach, meet all distractions with compassionate inclusion. So anything that arises within your nature which seems likely to throw you off or make you lose the count should be met in a welcoming and inclusive way... and an _appreciative_ way!

Stim Morane: The view here is that there are no real distractions, only things that we haven't yet learned to appreciate as actually contributing toward a larger sense of presence. Practice that way.

So. It was funny that a few days ago when I'd run out of printer paper, I grabbed some pages I'd not looked at in forever, from a notebook. Some of them were 'faith' discussions from my first few months within PaB. I just could not detangle the word from various religious notions. And then I noticed that the word faith in the context of practice, has taken a turn toward my hearing *Confidence*, which is a sense of support and groundedness.

How funny that I didn't really notice that untangling taking place. :)

Ah, and then imagine how refreshing this view of meditation was:

Stim Morane: One final practice: count the breath as before, being disciplined and focused but also welcoming toward the messy bits of our mind functions and perceptions that would normally distract us... but attend in particular to the aliveness you can find within each part of the breath. Enter that aliveness and allow it to open up to more of itself.

Stim Morane: This is not about imagining anything, only seeing more of what is there. The view is that this dimension of aliveness is open-ended and central to our existence, our being. It even exists "inside" our distractions! Practice that way.